Everyone requires a different type of validation whether it’s emotional, behavioral, cognitive, or a combination of all three. In relationships, validation can increase intimacy and allow you and your partner to bond and grow closer. Couples who regularly incorporate validation are more likely to feel more supported and experience higher satisfaction in their relationship. More importantly, constant validation fosters trust and emotional safety and can be used during times of stress or arguments.
Validation in psychology is a communication skill that helps recognize, accept, and understand where someone is coming from even if you don’t share their views. Validation in relationships can be used to help diffuse tension and make your partner feel heard. Lack of validation in relationships can cause feelings of isolation, lack of support from their partner, or even difficulty managing emotions. Now that we have talked about the importance of validating our partners, below are some examples of how to incorporate validation into your relationship.
Validating Language
It’s important to keep in mind that validation is not about praising someone or necessarily making someone feel better about themselves, it’s about putting yourself in your partner’s position in order to see their perspective and communicating that you respect their viewpoint. Some examples of validating statements include “I’m here for you”, “I can see how you would feel that way”, or “It makes sense that you feel…”
Identify and Acknowledge
Identifying and acknowledging what your partner is telling you are two crucial points when validating their feelings. The first step to validation is identifying what your partner is saying and this can be tricky if it’s not explicitly said so a great tip is simply asking your partner what they are feeling. Another idea is using cues to determine what you think your partner is feeling and asking if you are right.
Once that feeling has been identified, you must acknowledge said emotion and try to understand what triggered it. A great way to communicate this is by asking “What is it that is making you feel this way?” If you or your partner are unable to understand what the trigger was, it’s okay to simply acknowledge that something is making them upset and work together to help each other understand what the cause was. Lastly, validating your partner’s emotion means acknowledging the feelings your partner is having which may in turn help diffuse any negative situations.
Non-Verbal Expressions
Non-verbal clues for validation are very similar to how you would show active listening skills. Head nodding, maintaining eye contact, and smiling all exemplify your openness to the person you’re talking to. Your body language can also show how comfortable and open you are so taking notice of how you are sitting, if your arms are crossed or if your body is facing the person you are talking to can help you appear more attentive to what is being said.
Practicing validation in any relationship can help strengthen the skill and build strong connections with important people in your life. Most importantly, learning how to demonstrate validation teaches us how to understand more than one view in every scenario. Keep in mind that using validating statements is a show of support and won’t always make the emotion go away. If you or your partner are struggling with emotion problems, encourage each other to reach out for professional help.
